Featured Column
Week of 8.26.2007
Words I'd love to hear
Even if I only heard them once!
From my plumber: “I fixed your leak and then I took apart your two kitchen faucets and fixed them for you. I’m not charging you anything because I like you!”
From Iran President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad: “Hey, I was just fooling around with you Americans. We’re not going to start a war with you. Actually, we’re quite scared of your army. You’d crush us in a few days.”
From Britney Spears: “I’ve decided. I’m going to become a nun.”
From Lindsay Lohan: “I’ve decided. I’m going to become a nun.”
From Paris Hilton: “I’ve decided. I’m going to become a nun.”
From the head of street gang the Bloods: “We’ve all turned in our guns. We’ve stopped taking drugs. We’ve formed a softball team and we’re going to volunteer to help senior citizens in our neighborhood.”
From the guy behind the counter at the mini mart at the gas station: “Excuse me, I’ll be right back, I have to help that little old lady out there. I want to help her get gas and then I want to wash her windshield.”
From President Bush: “Hey, gimme a break. Of course we screwed up. We’re just trying to figure out a way to get us out of this mess.”
From Barry Bonds: “I know my head got enormous. I can barely pull a T-shirt over it. They didn’t tell me this would happen to me when I took that stuff.”
From Hillary Clinton: “Hell with this frumpy look. At the next debate I’m going to wear a mini skirt, crop top and some sexy boots.”
From the head of Chinese manufacturing: “C’mon, c’mon, move it, get the lead out. Really! Get the lead out!”
From New Orleans Mayor Ray Nagin: “Let’s not kid ourselves. One heavy rain and a big wind and we’re in trouble again. Let’s get this place in shape and protect our citizens.”
From Sen. John McCain: “I’m getting out of this race. There’s no way I can win.”
From every cell phone user: “I will never use my cell phone when I’m driving the car and I won’t use it while I’m waiting in line at Costco or any store.”
From Gen. David Petraeus: “Here’s my long awaited report on Iraq. The war is over. We won. There will be peace from now on. All our soldiers will be home next week.”
From ex-Falcon quarterback Michael Vick: “I am so sorry for what I did. I deserve to be in jail. I set a bad example for kids and I should be locked up.”
From cager Kobe Bryant: “I’m going to change now. I want to be a good guy, like Lebron James.”
From golfer Tiger Woods: “I’m going to stay the way I am.”
From V.P. Dick Cheney: “Maybe someday I’ll write a book about all the things I’ve done. You know, all about the secrets only George and I know.”
From rapper 50-cent: “From now on my songs will only be about my mom, baseball and ballroom dancing.”
From Karl Rove: “Well, I have to admit, I did tell George how to handle a few things.”
From Ryan Seacrest: “Yes, I do want to be the emcee on every program on television.”
From bounty hunter Duane (dog) Chapman: “Sure, some of the guys we arrest laugh at my hair, my beads and my jewelry. That’s how we catch them – while they’re laughing so hard.”
From Pakistan President Musharraf: “Hell no, I don’t know what I’m doing.”
From Rupert Murdoch: “Yes, I want to own everything.”
From Warren Buffett: “I could own everything if I wanted to. I could even buy Rupert Murdoch.”
From Pamela Anderson: “You know why I’m famous.”
Ron was born in the Bronx, New York. He was raised in Southern California and lived in Honolulu, Hawaii for three decades. He attended Inglewood High School and U.C.L.A.. His youthful goal was to become a major league baseball player. In Hawaii Ron played on a series of championship softball teams. He is an active tennis player.
Ron’s career began at the Inglewood Daily News where as a youngster was enrolled in a publisher training program. He served as an advertising salesman, circulation manager, writer and layout and design staffer. He has been a newspaper publisher at the Oregon City Oregon Enterprise Courier, the Beloit Wisconsin Daily News, the Elizabeth, New Jersey Daily Journal and This Week Magazines (Hawaii).
Ron lives with his wife, Marilyn, in San Diego, California. His two children, Douglas and Diane also live in the San Diego area. Ron’s interests range far and wide and are reflected in his columns diverse topics.
Ron Cruger