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Ron Cruger
The Spectator
founded 2004 by ron cruger
A place for intelligent writers
A place for intelligent readers
What happened to our heroes?
Wise up, America
The Starbucks 7 on the Presidency
A special birthday: Heading for 100
Bye Bye Big Banks
The Infatuation
Republican, Democrat or what?
Mitt versus Barack, who wins?
Words I'd love to hear
The do-nothing candidates
It changed the world
Disappearing! Gone! Kaput!
Ms. Evelyn Shapiro's death
Democracy re-born
Sick and Tired
I know but I ain't tellin'
Even if I only heard them once!
From my plumber: I fixed your leak and then I took apart your two kitchen faucets and fixed them for you. Im not charging you anything because I like you!

From Iran President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad: Hey, I was just fooling around with you Americans. Were not going to start a war with you. Actually, were quite scared of your army. Youd crush us in a few days.

From Britney Spears: Ive decided. Im going to become a nun.

From Lindsay Lohan: Ive decided. Im going to become a nun.

From Paris Hilton: Ive decided. Im going to become a nun.

From the head of street gang the Bloods: Weve all turned in our guns. Weve stopped taking drugs. Weve formed a softball team and were going to volunteer to help senior citizens in our neighborhood.

From the guy behind the counter at the mini mart at the gas station: Excuse me, Ill be right back, I have to help that little old lady out there. I want to help her get gas and then I want to wash her windshield.

From President Bush: Hey, gimme a break. Of course we screwed up. Were just trying to figure out a way to get us out of this mess.

From Barry Bonds: I know my head got enormous. I can barely pull a T-shirt over it. They didnt tell me this would happen to me when I took that stuff.

From Hillary Clinton: Hell with this frumpy look. At the next debate Im going to wear a mini skirt, crop top and some sexy boots.

From the head of Chinese manufacturing: Cmon, cmon, move it, get the lead out. Really! Get the lead out!

From New Orleans Mayor Ray Nagin: Lets not kid ourselves. One heavy rain and a big wind and were in trouble again. Lets get this place in shape and protect our citizens.

From Sen. John McCain: Im getting out of this race. Theres no way I can win.

From every cell phone user: I will never use my cell phone when Im driving the car and I wont use it while Im waiting in line at Costco or any store.

From Gen. David Petraeus: Heres my long awaited report on Iraq. The war is over. We won. There will be peace from now on. All our soldiers will be home next week.

From ex-Falcon quarterback Michael Vick: I am so sorry for what I did. I deserve to be in jail. I set a bad example for kids and I should be locked up.

From cager Kobe Bryant: Im going to change now. I want to be a good guy, like Lebron James.

From golfer Tiger Woods: Im going to stay the way I am.

From V.P. Dick Cheney: Maybe someday Ill write a book about all the things Ive done. You know, all about the secrets only George and I know.

From rapper 50-cent: From now on my songs will only be about my mom, baseball and ballroom dancing.

From Karl Rove: Well, I have to admit, I did tell George how to handle a few things.

From Ryan Seacrest: Yes, I do want to be the emcee on every program on television.

From bounty hunter Duane (dog) Chapman: Sure, some of the guys we arrest laugh at my hair, my beads and my jewelry. Thats how we catch them while theyre laughing so hard.

From Pakistan President Musharraf: Hell no, I dont know what Im doing.

From Rupert Murdoch: Yes, I want to own everything.

From Warren Buffett: I could own everything if I wanted to. I could even buy Rupert Murdoch.

From Pamela Anderson: You know why Im famous.