The "Truth Channel"
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by Ron Cruger
I was tired when I settled into the recliner. I turned on the television set and waited for the picture to appear. I could barely
keep my eyes open and I knew that within minutes I would be asleep. It didn’t matter what showed on the television – I was worn out
and wanted to take a nice, long nap.
A “talking head” appeared on the screen. I watched the man’s lips move and I heard
him say, “ Hi, my name is Walter Cranktite and welcome to the ‘Truth Channel,’ where you’ll find out the truth about what people are
saying in government, sports, religion, politics, advertising and show business.”
“Truth Channel?” What was this? Never
heard of it. I flipped out the foot rest on the recliner and decided to stay awake a bit longer.
The announcer reported,
“And now we bring you the ‘Sodium Pentothal Hour,’ where we inject a prominent person with sodium pentothal, or as it is also known,
truth serum. Then we ask them penetrating questions in order to find out if they’ve been telling the American public the truth. All
of our guests are volunteers and agree to be injected with the truth serum.
Shown on the screen was a United States Senator
from New York. A scene flashed, showing the Senator, a man in his sixties, with his left sleeve rolled up. A medical technician was
injecting him with the truth serum.” The next scene showed the New York Senator relaxed, sitting in a leather chair opposite from
the broadcaster, Walter Cranktite.”
“So, Senator, my first question is, ‘Do you really believe that John McCain isn’t too
old to be President of the United States?”
The Senator grinned at the man opposite him, awkwardly looked around the set
and said, “Well, the guy is getting up there. I spoke with him last week and a couple of times he forgot what he was saying. Old John
is a nice guy, but I think we need a younger man in the position.”
Cranktite peppered the Senator with a barrage of questions
and the Senator answered every one directly and honestly. He even admitted that “Us Senators get paid too much for what we do and
our retirement program is beyond belief. We’re luckier than anybody. That’s why we fight so hard to be reelected.”
rolled on, the Senator answered them all bearing a gentle grin. He was even enjoying the soporific feeling of the truth serum flowing
in his veins.
The program ended with the Senator shaking hands with Cranktite, but remaining seated in the leather chair.
The next scene on the television set was an attractive woman saying, “Thank you, Walter and the Honorable Senator from New York. Now
we bring you ‘The Gotcha Show’ live from Washington, D.C. Today’s show will feature an interview with the presidential candidates
from the Democrat and Republican parties.”
A brief shot showed both candidates receiving injections of sodium pentothal.
They both grinned broadly as the needles penetrated their skins. The next scene showed both candidates sitting comfortably on either
side of the show’s emcee, Tom Breaklaw, who first turned to the candidate on his right and asked, “Senator, why did you vote for the
invasion of Iraq?”
The Senator smiled, slumped in his chair, stretched his legs and then crossed them. Looking fully relaxed
the Senator replied, “Hell’s Bells, Tom, I voted for the war because we have a lot of defense companies in my state. Get the picture,
The astonished Breaklaw then turned to his left and asked, “Senator, do you think a woman could win election to
the presidency of the United States of America?”
The Senator replied, “Oh, c’mon, Tom. Really. I don’t think America is
ready for a ‘skirt’ to be President. Nope, in fact, I’m not ready for that.”
Tom Breaklaw continued with a hot line of questioning
for the remainder of “The Gotcha Show.” Each candidate spoke bluntly, honestly and in many cases embarrassingly truthful. At the end
of “The Gotcha Show” Breaklaw thanked the two presidential hopefuls and added, “The next hour we will present a before and after video
show of what these two presidential hopefuls said before they became presidential candidates and then what they said in speeches after
their presidential candidacy. It’s a fascinating look put together by our very own ‘Truth Channel Honesty Squad.’ Stay tuned for this
special presentation of “The Naked Truth.”
My tiredness had faded away. I was fascinated by what was showing on my television
set. It was all so compelling. What an intriguing concept. Truth! There is a food channel, sports channels, 24-hour news channels,
jewelry channels, nature channels, comedy channels, golf channels, tennis channels – there’s a channel for anything you can think
of – and now, the best of all – “The Truth Channel.”
I quickly grabbed my copy of “TV Guide” and looked up the schedule for
“The Truth Channel.”
The selection was fascinating.
At five p.m. the nightly news show came on – “The B.S. Show,”
featuring politician’s speeches – before and after.
The variety of shows was exciting. “The Big Lie,” featuring local and
national politicians caught lying. The “International Fibbing Hour,” showing prominent politicians giving speeches and then answering
questions after being given sodium pentothal injections.
One show followed another round-the-clock. “Falsehoods,’ “Fibs/Incorporated,”
“The Low Down.”
“Sports Lies,” a weekly hour show devoted to playing videos of sports figures offering explanations after
their games and then having the same sports stars volunteer for truth serum injections and being interviewed by well known sports
announcer Biff Carlyle. On this evening Carlyle’s guest was a former N.F.L. eight- time all star linebacker. Carlyle’s first question
to the retired star was, “Did you ever use steroids and did you know other N.F.L. players who used steroids?”
linebacker answered, “What a question! Of course I used steroids. I had to or I would never have been able to play in the N.F.L. Just
about everyone on the team used some kind of chemical assistance. We had to or we would never be able to play the following week.
Hell, we smoked pot too, just to relax sometimes. I still do.”
A spot came on for the following week’s edition of “Sport’s
Lies. “Next week we will feature the home run slugger who is close to breaking the single season home run record for major league
baseball. We’ll give him his injection and then ask him, “Do you think you will break the home run record without the use of steroids?”
listed in TV Guide are more shows from “The Truth Channel” – “The Gospel Truth,” which covers the TV evangelists. Many of these shows
have resulted in the de-frocking of a number of well-known TV evangelists and the break up of their multi-million dollar prayer franchises.
business is represented on “The Truth Channel” by “Fibs,” a half hour weekly show devoted to the statements made by television and
movie personalities and then, following their truth serum injections, what these personalities say now.
Other popular shows
include, “Today’s Prevarications,” about the latest lies of the day. A popular feature on the channel is “Sorry, Mr. President,” which
shows videos of what the President of the United States said one year ago and what he said today with the aid of truth serum.
leading “Truth Channel” program is “The Falsehood Show,” which, this week featured videos of Bill O’Reilly taken five years ago versus
his statements of recent days given while he was connected to a lie detector machine.
It was reported on “The Falsehood
Show” tonight that only seventeen members of the House and nineteen members of the Senate have volunteered to be given truth serum
and appear on the “Truth Channel.” Only six governors have agreed to be interviewed while connected to the lie detector machine.
promo appeared on the screen boosting the new show, starting in two weeks – “The True Confession Hour,” which will feature the acknowledgement
of lies spoken while in public office.
“Truth Channel” executives reported that they are in negotiations with both political
parties to present the presidential candidates debates on their channel with both candidates attached to lie detector machines.
TV Guide reported that “The Truth Channel” is now the highest ranked channel on television. Its viewership is equal to the combined
viewers of all the networks.
I found myself engaged in watching “The Truth Channel” until two a.m.
The next day I read in
my morning newspaper that the United States Senate was trying to pass a bill to remove “The Truth Channel” from the airwaves. The
sponsors of the bill claimed that its content was “a danger to democracy.”