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 by Ron Cruger
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C
The billion dollar letter
Dear Mr. Crooger,

        My name is Ahmed Sabu Fershtunkina bel Azzidd. I am a resident of El Gippo, Zimbabwe. I work for the Zimbabwayan government.
        I have recently come in possession of $27, 000,00, 000 in Zimbabwayan dollis along with 4, 221 first class goat and camel skins worth $2, 000 American dollis on the open market.
        Your name was given to us by a very respectable friend of mine, Abdul Stepp Abdul Abdul, who is one of Zimbabwe’s leading skinner of goats and camels.
        If you would send to me, in an unmarked box, $52, 786 in single, one dollis American bills I can guarantee you the full $27,000, 002, 000 in Zimbabwayan dollis.
        This is a wonderful bargain for you, Mr. Croobie. You can trust me as I used to be the Director of Finance and Crop Dusting for my country. You should also know that at no time did I steal the money they say I stole. All I took was the $16,00,500 in overtime pay that I earned last year.
        Once more, Mr. Crulger we are happy to send you the $27,000,002,000 as soon as we receive your package of one dollis American monies. Be sure to put the correct amount of postage on the box of money as the post office will not deliver mail without the correct postage and we don’t want any intercourse-ups in this arrangement , yes?
        I hope you will hurry with your part of this great bargain. We are holding the $27,000, 002,000 in a special place in the garage of my friend, ZaZaBoo, a fierce fighter and screen door repair man.
        I promise that the $27,000,002,000 will be sent to you as soon as we receive your box containing $52,786 in American dollis.
       By doing this, Mr. Craigner, you will become a very rich man, plus you will have many goat and camel skins to make into coats and jackets.
        I hope you will keep this arrangement a secret between us, because if our president ever found out about this arrangement between us he would arrest me and have my abdulos cut off and stuffed down my throat.
         Thank you so much forever and if you like I will come and live in your house for two years or more.

Thanks goodness to you and
My friend ZaZaBoo
Sincerely a lot,
Ahmed