It seems that everyone is trying to be Politically Correct these days. From the Beltway to local school districts we are being told that equality is the watchword of our times and we all must conform.
I agree that no one should feel left out or discriminated against. It isn’t the American Way. So I propose some new rules in the Sports World in the 21st Century.
Tennis - We enjoy watching the top players grunt and smash the ball across the net. Even youngsters are learning the finer points of tennis. But what about that net? Is it a barrier to companionship? Does it separate each player with an insurmountable problem? Is it like the Trump Wall that keeps others from encroaching on our territory? I say, “Tear down that net!” Just return the ball to the other court. Roll it if you will but let’s not have sad faces when our ball is prevented from entering into your space. And while we are at it, let’s do away with the double fault. No one should feel guilty.
NBA basketball – What a game! Ten players running up and down the court in frenzy. Ever hear of inequality? This game is the worst! First, only about 20% of the players are Caucasian. 74% are Black. In this country today 62% are white people and 12% are Black, oops, I mean African American. 18% are Hispanic. Is that fair? And what about the short guys? What chance do they have? And where are the gay people? Maybe in the locker room closet.
Baseball – Do you ever wonder what those big fielder gloves are made of? Leather! What about the poor cows or pigs or African rhinos that gave up their skins just so some grownups can catch the ball more easily. Shame on us. Three strikes and you are out. Four balls and you walk. Unfair! Why shouldn’t there be four of both. And those umpires all dressed in black. Intimidating!
Football – And speaking of pigskin! Porky Pig (read Full Size Pig) wouldn’t approve. And who set the height of the goalposts? Unfair to people with small feet that can’t loft the ball that high. Where are the women’s football teams? Let’s be inclusive.
Bowling – More Americans go bowling than participate in any other sport. But how about those poor pins? They get knocked over all the time and that is a good thing. Have some pity. When I bowled I threw a lot of gutter balls. Frustrating and not fair. Let’s do away with the gutter and replace them with rubber bumpers so your ball will stay on the lane. More fun that way. More high fives.
Golf – How come LPGA women wear shorts and PGA men always wear long pants? Sexist, I say. Do the woman want to attract more men to the watch their matches? Golf is a gentleman’s game. No cheating. What fun is that? Come on, that hole is small enough. Let’s expand the gimmie to three feet. Fairer, I say.
I could go on and on but you get the drift. Let’s stop being so PC and let the games begin. May the best man win!