Featured Column

Week of 4.13.2008

Parents, please be parents!

Where did "Leave it to Beaver" go?

          America is a far more affluent country today than it was back in 1955. Thanks to easy credit, especially the rampant use of credit cards by people who don’t have actual financial resources, the citizenry of America can enjoy lifestyles that make it appear that the vast majority are members of a faux exclusive well-to-do class. A substantial fiscal difference between the fifties and today is that way back then if you didn’t have the money to purchase something you had to save your money until you had enough to buy what you wanted. Today, adults as well as children live their lives bathed in instant gratification.
          Thanks in a large measure to the plastic rectangle the lifestyles of the authentic well-to-do and the faux well-to-do are somewhat indistinguishable except for the anguish the latter feel come the tenth of the month when the payments for their purchases and lifestyle are due and payable.
          Today, children of all financial classes own cell phones, iPods, iPhones, Honda Accords, the latest garments, multi pocketed, crack showing baggy pants and their own ATM cards. What used to be the domain of adults is now co- inhabited by teens and pre-teens. Children are maturing faster, experimenting with sex earlier, injecting, sniffing, and smoking drugs earlier. These same children are also graduating from high school with less scholastic knowledge, if fact, in many larger American cities only half of the students attending high school graduate. But, even these non-graduates will no doubt carry their own iPods, iPhones, wear hip fashions and baggy clothes, pierce their tongues and eyebrows, drive their own Honda Accords and use their own well-worn ATM cards. Their instant gratification needs are being met. Up until a few generations ago there was a separation between adults and children. Adults did adult things and children did children things. Then it came to be believed that by creating a difference between adults and children the children would grow up to be neurotics and psychotics. So, with their parent’s acquiescence and abdication of close responsibility children quickly tried acting like adults by the time they were twelve – only they weren’t really adults, they were still children and they weren’t ready to make adult decisions or live like adults.
          Soon after the abdication of close parental authority some children started forming street gangs. Music was changing. The gentle love songs of the 1940’s and 1950’s were being replaced by angrier tunes, featuring cacophony of the beating of women, of prostitutes and drugs and money.
          At the same time that America’s children were permitted to act like adults more and more of America’s parents were disappearing from the home. The working father and mother became a common occurrence. America’s children, by the millions, were being left alone until mom and dad finished work and came home. Millions of our children were being left alone to learn not from their mothers and fathers, but from each other. In many homes fathers disappeared completely.
          As both parents pursued careers and occupations they realized that they would require a second car, so the family went into further debt to make the purchase. Times were good, credit was easy. A new house was purchased, one with a large garage to hold the family automobiles. New clothes were needed. Children grew and they soon needed their own autos. More new clothes, bigger television sets, newer, snazzier cars, country club memberships, expensive vacations, college tuitions – perhaps a larger house in a gated community. One had to keep up with the Joneses. America’s children were becoming bigger, stronger, more street savvy.
          Other things were happening. Divorce rates soared. Membership in street gangs increased tremendously. Fewer of America’s children were graduating from their high schools. Our prisons became overcrowded. Families started depositing ageing parents and grandparents in old-age homes. The use of drugs skyrocketed among our youth. Our children are fatter than ever, more out of shape than ever. Physical Education and gym classes are being eliminated in many schools. Kids are spending a greater portion of their waking hours sitting in front of their computers and television sets. Overweight, out of shape kids have become a national affliction.
          American values were changing. Millions of Americans kept an eye the value of their newly purchased stock portfolios. The mood of America changed with the fluctuations in the stock market.
          Teenage drinking increased. Families live in nice homes, drive better cars, wear more fashionable clothes, enjoy better vacations. The children own computers, iPods, iPhones and their own cars. They certainly know more about sex than any previous generation.
          So, what’s wrong with all of this? Perhaps nothing.
          It all depends on whether you think our nation has grown to be a more sensitive, kinder, gentler place. If the children walking on our streets today are treating others with respect. If you think that the children of today are loving, kind and respectful to their parents and their family members then there is nothing wrong with parents being too busy to care for their children full time. If crime rates are diminishing. If other nations of the world see America as a better, kinder, more understanding place. If people get along better. If neighborhoods are friendly and nurturing. If there is a greater sense of family today. If the answers are yes, then America is on the right track.
          Let’s face it, if adults today want nice homes, new cars, the best clothes, the latest computers and toys, vacations in foreign countries and enviable lifestyles – and they are married with children – then both parents will probably have to work and their children will have to get along without having a full time parent at home.
          It has been fifty years since parenting in America has changed. The fifties are memories only to the elder among us. The fifties were sentimental and simple times. Families attempted to emulate the “Leave it to Beaver” and “Donna Reed Show” lifestyles. Guns hadn’t gotten into the hands of teenagers yet. The drugs of today hadn’t been created. Kids did what their parents told them to do – or else.
          Raising children today is much more difficult than it ever has been.
          I salute the parents of today. Those that are dedicated to loving and nurturing their children and teach them the values of family and caring. There are still millions of these loving mothers and fathers in America who are raising their children with care and devotion.
          It’s not these people and it’s not these children I’m worried about.

      Ron was born in the Bronx, New York. He was raised in Southern California and lived in Honolulu, Hawaii for three decades. He attended Inglewood High School and U.C.L.A.. His youthful goal was to become a major league baseball player. In Hawaii Ron played on a series of championship softball teams. He is an active tennis player.
      Ron’s career began at the Inglewood Daily News where as a youngster was enrolled in a publisher training program. He served as an advertising salesman, circulation manager, writer and layout and design staffer. He has been a newspaper publisher at the Oregon City Oregon Enterprise Courier, the Beloit Wisconsin Daily News, the Elizabeth, New Jersey Daily Journal and This Week Magazines (Hawaii).
      Ron lives with his wife, Marilyn, in San Diego, California. His two children, Douglas and Diane also live in the San Diego area. Ron’s interests range far and wide and are reflected in his columns diverse topics.
     

Ron Cruger