"Mary Jane's FeelGood Shoppe"
written by Ron:
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Lately there has been more and more talk among commissions and politicians around the world
about decriminalizing drugs. Recently, the Global Commission on Drug Policy has called for decriminalization and experimenting with
In America more than a quarter of the 2.3 million Americans are jailed
for drug offenses. Even stodgy Christian talk show host Pat Robertson has hinted that possession of a few ounces of pot should not
be an offense requiring jail time.
Public opinion polls show that support for legalizing
marijuana is growing among Americans.
Now we take you to a remote broadcast from
one of the neighborhood’s most popular stores, “Mary Jane’s FeelGood Shoppe,” located at the intersection of High Times Road and Life’s
Fine Avenue. It’s 4:05 on a Friday afternoon. The sun is shining brightly outside and the two thousand square foot store is filled
with customers and browsers. The daytime manager, Jesse Puffer, is greeting a middle-aged couple as they enter the store.
“Good afternoon and welcome to ‘Mary Jane’s,’ can I help you find anything?”
answers, “Why, yes, we were interested in, maybe, buying some of your marijuana. That’s okay now, isn’t it?”
“Yes, the new law passed two months ago. Now it’s legal to purchase marijuana as long as you don’t buy more than six ounces at a time.
What kind of marijuana would you be interested in?”
The wife, a stout lady, with graying
hair, responds, “We don’t really know the difference, what would you recommend?”
there’s a wide variety that we sell. The most popular is called the ‘White Widow.’ Then there’s ‘Big Bud,’ ‘Purple Power,’ ‘Northern
Lights,’ and ‘Holland’s Hope.’ All depends on your taste and how you want to feel.”
husband and I haven’t tried smoking marijuana since our college days. We’re having a party tomorrow night and now that it’s legal
we want to offer our friends a few smokes to loosen them up. What do you suggest?”
go with the ‘White Widow.’ It packs a lot of flavor and it gives you that light-headed feeling of relaxation. Your guests will enjoy
it, I’m sure. Now, we also sell a wide variety of pharmaceuticals that might interest you. We have some very nice uppers and some
downers that are very nice. Since the new law passed it’s legal for us to sell these pills. I’m sure you and your guests will enjoy
“We will need some of those for our party. What else do you sell?”
“Well, in our accessory department we have a wide selection of items that you may need. We have kiff boxes, glassware, roach clips,
rolling papers and hookahs. Just about anything you’ll need to bring good times into your home.”
“What’s that department over there?”
“That’s our ‘Imbiber’s Salon.’ We have the neighborhood’s
widest selection of liquor, from twenty seven kinds of beer to every alcoholic beverage known to man. We pride ourselves on being
able to offer you every kind of mood altering substance that makes life bearable. The new law has made it possible for us to provide
our customers with every chemical needed to lift the spirits of the common man, woman and legal-aged youth. We specialize in selling
our customers whatever’s needed to enjoy every minute of every day. It’s all legal now. It’s amazing about what’s happened to the
neighborhood since the new law passed. Our business has been terrific and everyone seems to be happier. We’re your one-stop center
for avoiding life’s difficult moments.
The couple paid for their purchases and left the
store. As they walked towards their car the wife turned to her husband and said, “Honey, do you think we really need all this stuff,
we’re pretty happy already.”
“The husband thought for a moment, then said, “Dear, just
enjoy it, it’s all legal now.”
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