Featured Column
Week of 3.29.2004
"I'm sorry, I really am!"
Presidents should tell the truth
          I think the American people would appreciate and then forgive President Bush if he would let the network television camera in the Oval Office, look it straight in the lens and say, My fellow Americans, I really screwed up when I told everyone in the world that Saddam Hussein had weapons of mass destruction and that he was a direct and imminent danger to America. I got some really stinky information and besides that I wanted to believe it and it gave me a good reason to go after the %$#@#$&# bum that tried to kill my dad.
          If he did this he could pull back Dick Cheney and Condoleeza Rice and have them stop defending him and get back to work defending us.
          After all, President Bill Clinton set a precedent when he apologized for his little affair with Monica. Of course, Clinton beat-around-the-bush for a few months before he begged our pardon with some verbal tip-toeing like, it depends on what the meaning of is is. He also told a beaut when he said, I did not have sexual relations with that woman, Miss Lewinsky. He also gave $850,000 to Paula Jones for not having sexual relations with her (he didnt apologize for that one either). Finally, after months of dancing around the truth he stood amidst the thorns in the Rose Garden and said, Im profoundly sorry, for what he did in the Monica Lewinsky affair and he was ready to accept the consequences. He said he had misled the American people.
          It could have started with our first president. Cant you imagine Honest George Washington taking off is curly, white wig, standing straight and tall, then leaning against the nearest cherry tree, saying, Im really sorry I bought those slaves to work on my plantation. I should have known better and been more sensitive. And another thing. Im sorry I told all those kids about my wooden teeth. Now every hip kid in America wants some Oak molars. I shouldnt have said anything. Sorry.
           We would think a lot more of Ulysses Grant if he would have ridden his trusty steed to the nearest telegraph office and admitted he was a tippler. He could have Morse coded the nation, The pressure of the war and then being president drove me just about nuts. I started drinking and couldnt stop. Im sorry, folks. Please forgive me.
          Herbert Hoover could have gained a lot or respect if he would have gone on the radio and said, Wow, I really should have acted sooner to head off that darn depression. Im so sorry for the 10 million of you who lost their jobs. I screwed up, big time. Sorry America.
           Dwight Eisenhower should have gnashed his teeth, gathered up his courage and said to the American public, Ok, ok. I apologize for picking that stiff, Nixon to be my vice president. I should have known better. To tell you the truth, I never did trust him. His eyes were too close together. Im sorry. Forgive me.
          John F. Kennedy could have gone on television and said, To all Americans, Im, sorry. The first time I met that little, fat commie, Khruschchev, I should have bitch-slapped him and told him to get his missiles out of Cuba, or else. I waited too long. Sorry.
          Cant you hear Lyndon Johnson speaking from the Oval office, saying, I apologize. I wish I would have pulled every one of our troops from Vietnam my first day in office. I really loused up on that one. And the bombings, dont ask! I wish I had it to do all over again. Im bummed out too. Sorry.
           Richard M. Nixon should have said, in his own rigid, awkward way, Dont ask me why I had Spiro Agnew as my vice president. I thought he would work out. I blew that one royally. And Watergate! Hoo, boy, am I sorry I ever heard about that one. Gimme another chance and Id do it right. Sorry to everybody.
          And now were back to George W. Bush. Maybe he should reserve the Rose Garden for next Friday at prime time. He could dump the smirk and say, My fellow Americans. There never were any weapons of mass destruction and Saddam Hussein wasnt really a humongous threat to our country. In fact, he couldnt fight his way out of a paper burka. Im glad we kicked his butt, but that other stuff wasnt true. Im sorry we misled you and all those other countries, too. Hope you can forgive me.
          Thatd be a good start, Mr. President.
      Ron was born in the Bronx, New York. He was raised in Southern California and lived in Honolulu, Hawaii for three decades. He attended Inglewood High School and U.C.L.A.. His youthful goal was to become a major league baseball player. In Hawaii Ron played on a series of championship softball teams. He is an active tennis player.
      Rons career began at the Inglewood Daily News where as a youngster was enrolled in a publisher training program. He served as an advertising salesman, circulation manager, writer and layout and design staffer. He has been a newspaper publisher at the Oregon City Oregon Enterprise Courier, the Beloit Wisconsin Daily News, the Elizabeth, New Jersey Daily Journal and This Week Magazines (Hawaii).
      Ron lives with his wife, Marilyn, in San Diego, California. His two children, Douglas and Diane also live in the San Diego area. Rons interests range far and wide and are reflected in his columns diverse topics.
Ron Cruger