Enough Already

          It’s a new year and I’ve made the usual resolutions. Have to lose some weight, get more exercise, read the books that are stacking up by the recliner. You know, the same old things I say to myself every year.
          This year I want to accomplish some other objectives. I want to NOT be bothered by certain distastes and aversions.
          For example, I don’t want to be bothered by some words and phrases that are in (more than) common usage today. . I hear them so many times in a day that I’m beginning to cringe and jerk when I hear them again and again.
           I don’t want to hear Donald Trump’s “You’re fired.” I can do without hearing anyone use the word “carbs” again. Stop saying “body wash” instead of soap. Please refrain from uttering “blue” and “red” states. I’ll do fine if I never hear “blog” again. Come up with other terms instead of “battleground states,” and “I approve of this message…”
          For the life of me I can’t figure out how we have come to permit “wardrobe malfunction” to become part of our active vocabulary. And excuse me, but I would be very content if I never again heard “erectile dysfunction” used except by my personal doctor in the little examination room.
           Do we need to use both words in “enemy combatant?” Must the “experts” say “improvised explosive device” instead of plain, old bomb.
          Please don’t let me hear “Webinar” used to describe a seminar on the Web. And stop using “journey” to describe everything that happens along the way.
          I can also do without “sales event” and “flip flop.”
          I think the cell phone is a marvelous invention. I have one. I use one. I’m just tired of being bothered by having to listen to people around me blab non-stop (and loudly) about the most incidental of things. I don’t want to be irritated by bored people in line at the market reaching for their handy cell phones, talking to a distant friend about the price of flank steaks. I want to be released from my own aggravated tyranny of trying to back out of a parking space at the mall with a mobile condominium (SUV) on either side of me, blocking my view.
          While we’re at it, I don’t want to be bothered by sales clerks who know nothing about the products sold by their employers and don’t know enough to offer help to their customers (mainly me!).
           I want to NOT be irritated when I hear someone walking down the street talking loudly on a cell phone using a not-easily visible headset. I don’t want to get upset when I hear profanity in public.
          I want to ignore the sight of fat bellies poking out from under ultra short shirts and cut-off blouses. I’m not interested in your navels. Flat bellies are nice.
Save me from fat women (and men) wearing jeans that are so tight they look like they’re going to explode. I don’t want to feel upset when I say hello to strangers and they don’t bother to return the friendliness.
           Please keep me cool when some thoughtless, person exhales a thick cloud of cigarette smoke through which I have to walk. Calm me down when my favorite television program is pervaded with annoying commercials, one after another, after another.
          Don’t let me get upset when I’m watching cable TV and the dialogue is filled with the filthiest possible language. I can grasp the plot without hearing detailed descriptions of all possible bodily functions.
          As 2005 rolls on I’m sure I’ll be able to come up with a few more things that I want NOT to be bothered by.
          In the meantime I hope I have the strength to NOT be bothered by those listed here.
Happy New Year.

The Spectator

founded 2004 by ron cruger

A place for intelligent writers
A place for intelligent readers