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by Norm Blackburn
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Election Fake News
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My friend works as a scientist in Antarctica. A few days ago I got a call from him:
“Hello Sam,” he said.
“Hi Jake”, I replied. “How are things going in the land of ice and snow?”
“Well, I just returned to Punta del Este after six months looking at penguins. I heard there was a presidential election. What happened?”
“Boy you missed a dozzie. Such rhetoric, such vitriol. Some say it was the worst campaign in memory.”
“So who won?”
“Hilary won going away. She swept the Electoral College but missed getting the most votes overall by a million or so.”
“Wow! What’s going on now?”
“Hilary and Bill and Chelsea are taking a victory tour around the country and the press corps can hardly keep up. Everyone hasn’t accepted her. Last night at a NFL game in Texas she got booed and young people are in the streets protesting her win. They have signs saying ‘Not My Mrs. President’.
The Republicans have put out a petition doing away with the Electoral College and going with only the popular vote. Even though the Democrats will control both houses of Congress, the Republicans are vowing to filibuster any new laws.”
Jake asked, “What will happen to ObamaCare and things like immigration and climate change?”
“Well, Hillary seems to be living up to her campaign promises to bring back jobs to the hard working families. She is already starting to deport anyone who wears a cloth over his or her head or faces Mecca three times a day. That will open up lots of cab drivers and rug maker jobs. She says ObamaCare is a dead duck. Now only the states, under HillaryCare, will sell health insurance and anyone under 45 or over 50 will get free coverage. She announced that she will convene a panel to find out who is pushing global warming,
By the way, her vice president has resigned, nominating Elizabeth Warren because he felt that an all woman White House would take better care of the place. To his surprise Hilary has picked Bill to be the VP since she thinks he is better equipped to vacuum the Oval Office. Chelsea is the new Secretary of Defense and Bernie is the new Ambassador to Cuba.”
Hello Jake, are you still there?”
The line went dead and I read in the paper the next day that the scientists had returned to Antarctica and will establish a new country. Donald Trump has boarded his airplane and is enroute.