A Millennial's View on Election 2016
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by Josh Lee
2017 Spectator Ron - The Spectator All Rights Reserved
First I was with her. Then I was with him. After that I was disgusted. Now I’m over it. This
election is a joke, let’s not pussyfoot around about it. And no matter how you examine the evidence (or choose to ignore it), the
fact of the matter is that we have two of the least qualified, least liked, least respectable, least trustworthy people we’ve ever
had. And I’m really looking forward to see how many years either stays in office.
Look – Donald
Dick is not the embodiment of this country, nor who I want representing my nationality on an international stage. Yes, we all know
he made lewd remarks about women. And yes, he’s like a little five-year-old acting out for attention while her mother drags her around
Walmart. And no, we don’t know what would come out of his mouth – but at least when things come out of his mouth, we know about them
and we hear about them.
Hillary Corruption is the other way around. She’s more secretive than Kim Jong Un. I was “with her” from the
minute she announced her candidacy. I supported her against Bernie. And then her email scandal broke out and I dumped her quicker
than a one night stand the next morning. Yes, she’s more “presidential”, whatever that means. And yes, she probably would be better
for amicable international relations.
But here’s the thing – I don’t think it’s an exaggeration
to say that 80% of the population doesn’t grasp the magnitude of her “ridiculous little e-mail scandal.” Let’s not even involve James
Comey, the FBI, or Wikileaks here.
Understanding and using complex computer software is hard to understand and easy to brush off.
Even easier is it to understand that people make mistakes and that someone of Clinton’s advanced age isn’t well-versed in this new-fangled
technology all the whipper-snappers are using. So she used a non-secure, personal email on an unguarded server in her basement. We’ve
all got our work email account synced up to our iPhone and we all do work-related business on our personal computers. Yes, and most
of us know that it’s wrong to do so, but we do it for our own convenience. And most of us are (in the bigger picture) pretty insignificant.
Really, if Russian intelligence hacked into my email, they could get tens of thousands of emails. And with some deep forensic analysis,
they could piece them all together and get a really nice inventory of all the clothes, shoes, watches, and cologne in my closet. And
maybe some vacation inspiration.
That is the sort of thing that I deal with every day. The most
confidential things in my email – probably my bank statements. Y’all can hack into my bank accounts if you want but I don’t think
it’ll even be worth the time.
But I am not Hillary Clinton. I am not the Secretary of State. I do not possess highly-classified, confidential
information. If I did, you’d better believe that I’d pay $2.3B to have Tim Cook custom build me the most secure computer and server
in the world with custom-written security software, and then put it in a lead-encased safe ten miles underground at Area 51 that I’d
have to pass through a series of booby-traps to get to.
No, that’s not an exaggeration. Laugh at me all you want; in this day and
age, that’s the level of security we should be aspiring to when it comes to the classified information that passes through the top-level
officials of our government. It sounds Orwellian to say that our computers should take priority when it comes to the protection of
our national security. If it came down to protecting the president or his computer, I would honestly protect his computer. That’s
how deeply technology has rooted itself into the very fiber of our existence. And anyone who says otherwise doesn’t fully understand
the importance of this issue.
But instead, this information was stored on an unguarded, unprotected
server housed in the basement of her house in Chappaqua, New York. That’s like putting a wallet with your life savings in cash in
your back pocket and walking through Manhattan. Let’s be real – a team of five high-school dropouts could have lifted that server
and made off with it.
Then there’s Huma Abedin, Clinton’s top advisor (another conspirator to
the corruption). I don’t even know where to start with her. Again, I’m not even going to touch on her double dipping in private-sector,
conflict-of-interest consulting and high-level government work notwithstanding. Abedin was accessing her confidential, government
email on a personal computer shared with her husband, a civilian – a disgraced civilian! I don’t even want to know how many dick pics
and whiny sex-deprived messages they found while rooting through that computer. I mean – when you’re an aide to the Secretary of State,
shouldn’t you know better than to access email on a personal, shared computer? I don’t even know how to explain how bad that is to
all of you, except to ask whether or not you’d leave your credit report and bank accounts open on the communal computer in the hotel
Maybe she should spend a little less time at Fendi with her SA and a little
more time at Fort Meade with the NSA. In my best Emily Charlton voice, “God, these people!”
always wondered who trains these people on technology. I mean, I know first-hand that cashiers at Nordstrom have to go through a complete
technology orientation on how to use the point-of-sale computer system when they’re first hired. Do government officials? I don’t
care if you are the Secretary of State with an IT team of the best minds from Cornell and Princeton’s computer science schools. You
need to know the proper procedures for using computers and handling information.
Have I mentioned
that stating the obvious about Rosie O’Donnell, grabbing womens’ pussies and being a secretive, manipulative bitch have completely
overshadowed the serious issues? The American people have been jipped and cheated of the time they need and deserve to hear the candidates
face off and talk about the actual, serious issues that the world is facing today? I care about what’s going on in Syria. I understand
the difference between ISIS in Iraq and ISIS in Syria. I care about Mosul. I care about the Affordable Care Act. I care about tax
plans. I care about gender equality and civil rights. I care about protecting both minorities and the police. But whenever these issues
came up, all I heard was, “Because you’d be in jail!!!!!!!!!” and, "I had a feeling by the end of this evening that I'd be blamed
So, all things considered, I did my part as an American and I voted. I won’t
tell you who and it definitely was not willingly. I know the difference between the electoral vote and the popular vote. And I hate
to say it, but I’m actually relieved that my vote doesn’t really count. It won’t really be my fault when everything goes to shit.